Here's how it went, like, as if I were a 'normal' person:
Met at the usual time, at the usual place, went ga-ga over the usual Jetsons-type motorcycles (see pic), left at the usual time, 1st gas stop Agoura. 2nd gas stop Ojai. Next stop Mt. Pinos Nordic Center after a lot of curves and twisties.I ‘tapped out’ at Diamond Bar Blvd to get off at Brea Canyon, home around 5:30 PM.
Here’s an interesting switch-I was actually in Group 1. I don’t REMEMBER the last time when I’d been in Group 1. Kinda nice, doing everything first before everybody else gets there.
It’s always the little things that screw you up, the little things that I had taken for granted, namely Bub and I/the two of us as a ‘team’ at gas stops and stuff, where we’d take turns going in for a potty break and pumping gas. This became REALLY apparent to me when I had waited for a pump to be open, pumped gas, parked, took off the helmet / gloves/1st aid fanny pack, walked over to the potty & waited in line behind 2 other ladies, and then while I’m in line waiting for the ladies' room, I hear the yell “GROUP ONE, 5 MINUTES!” I don’t know if was somebody actually saying it or it was a sarcastic remark, I said “Yeah, RIGHT”, but it was then that I realized that in the scheme of motorcycle group gas stops, it takes a LOT longer for just ONE of you (one of me) to do all the gas stop stuff, do the ‘setter’ thing (which includes pants, belt AND leathers, not to mention all the unmentionables that I just mentioned), put all that shit back on in the correct way, walk back out, yada yada yada. It was ALSO then I felt somewhat disconcerted and embarrassed to see everybody in my group getting on their bikes and plugging in their helmets. Of course I DIDN’T want it to be even CLOSE to being left behind (they wouldn't forget ME, would they? Would they? Sniff) so I hurried up but did forget to do my belt. At least I didn’t forget to do my PANTS. Either way, on the road there’s not a helluva lot you can do about it then. I guess I’m just spoiled rotten by Barry.
NOW the not-so-great stuff...
Here’s the SHORT VERSION:
Felt my riding skills in the curves SUCKED due to some external feedback and some mental feedback. Felt that way for almost a year now.
Was starting to come back to feeling kinda ok about curves, but was still freaking about them.
Double whammy, today’s ride brought up mental anxiety towards curves that had laid Barry out, AND him not going on the ride to help ‘get me past’ this anxiety.
Angst and fear can make you sick, even after the fact.
I lived through it, even rode (I feel) with some style, but am still waiting for the Ibu 800 to kick in to take care of the aftermath. Kinda like a tsunami after an earthquake-there’s still residual STUFF going on.
Below the pictures, the LONG version...
Pictures underneath of the end destination, Mt. Pinos Nordic Base. Also below, the bikes lined up with ONE BIKE NOT ON ITS SIDE ON THE GROUND. Guess whose bike I be referring to? And below, I hate my smile, but Keith took a nice pic of me. Thanks, Keith, you are now one of the few who can be trusted to actually know how to take a picture without 500 feet of sky above one's head.
THE LONGER VERSION:
For the past 7 months, I had been REALLY REALLY questioning my riding ability, but was kind of coming around now. Ish. A few rides, a few areas, I felt like I was kinda getting better, BUT hadn’t been on the ride that we had been on where I SAW him go down. THIS one. Mt. Pinos. 2008.
THIS ride made me nervous, enough so that I was just trying to maintain some semblance of a ‘person’, a body on a ride. I felt so alone & lonely because Bub wasn’t with me. Lonely and fearful, not a good combo. Others tried to make me feel like I was ok, thank you SO much Terry and Vickie Bishop, and Jim Rawlinson.
I don’t think anyone, really, except Bub knew what I was going through, but THIS time Bub wasn’t going to be there to help me get thru my anxiety. DOUBLE problems.
1. Projecting my memories and shock of those events into my own riding skills, and
2. Apprehension about my own riding down those routes where those events took place.
Anxiety can wreak havoc with your brain, it can make you lose sleep, it can make you doubt your inner riding self-time. I mean, didn’t you ever worry about something SO much that it almost took over? Didn’t you ever worry yourself SICK? Yup. BINGO.
I didn’t get to sleep until 3:15.
I was thinking of NOT going, up until 7:35 AM.
Well, obviously I went. Hence the pictures.
Just as obviously I didn’t have any problems. Part of me would like to find out from an external source how I did on these curves (or maybe I DON’T want to!) I personally think I did ok; ok in that I wasn’t talking myself through them, I was just feeling and doing them. How did I know that? Because I got some NICE lean angle, so nice that I was expecting a floorboard scrape a time or two. When you lean into a curve and you wait for the scrape, and you’re NOT freaked out about that gawdawful metal scrape sound, that tells you somethin’. Somethin’ GOOD is goin’ on.
The anxiety, though, took its toll in the form of a back of the head-ache and upset tummy that made themselves known to me just before going into the restaurant. I KNEW I shoulda stayed outside, but went in, tried to play it safe with tortillas and butter, but after everyone got served and I STILL hadn’t gotten my order, I cancelled it, went outside to the fresh air, drank some water & cleaned my visor and windshield. You KNOW something’s going on with me if I don’t EAT. THAT right there is proof that something strange is going on inside. The other proof is that I took a total of 5 pictures. 5. TOTAL. That’s it. No more. 4 are up there.
Oh, yes, I was injured slightly today, twice: bit my tongue, and broke a nail at the last gas stop.
Next step, I don’t know, but I did bury the idea of selling my bike.
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