Monday, December 29, 2008

She's BAAAACCCKKK!!! With Random Thoughts of the Absurd, of Life, and Some Prose

My fan base has requested over and over that they need more writing, more 'stuff' from the mistress of the manuscript, the lady of the letters, the babe of the bullsh...ok, we'll let that one go. You get the idea.

With the holidays AND Laine my son here, I haven't much felt like writing nor taking pictures. (Mostly I lie awake and pray that the sirens I hear have NOTHING to do with either kid...) But my fans insist, so I'll attempt some of dat writin' stuff. Here are some thoughts (and if there are words within parens that are 'by me', that means I created it out of my own pointy little head);

RANDOM THOUGHTS OF THE ABSURD, OF LIFE AND SOME PROSE (wait a sec-those two ideals are mutually compatible-life IS absurd and the absurd is throughout our life. Whoa.)

** I love this technology stuff, there are so many ways to get ahold of people if you really need to in case of emergency. FOR INSTANCE, a girlfriend who doesn't have a cell phone nor a computer has a sister who is in a coma. She gave her out of state family my cell number and email address for quick information sharing, because she knows that if I have info to get to her, I will track her down, go over to her apartment and beat on the door until I find her. It happened tonight, her younger brother called me, I gave him her home phone and was going to call her after 1/2 hour myself. If I couldn't've gotten ahold of her right then, I would've gone over to her place. Now I'm checking flights for her that vary day by day and time by time, to get the best deal at the best time, so we'll be on the spot ready. That's what friends are for.

**It’s good to get outside opinions on what’s going on in one’s life. Spouses and family members are sometimes not only too close to the problem (analogy-too close to the forest to see the trees) AND are hampered by having to live with that person AFTER giving the advice! I find it’s advantageous to have a trusted friend or two (or three or five or…) who will give you their softened truthful opinion and who, when they can sense that I don’t like their opinion AT ALL and go on the warpath, have enough warning time to beat feet out of the area or refuse to answer emails or their phone. Family members have to stay and take it and clean up the mess afterward (physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, things thrown and broken, whatever).
But that’s why we have a healthcare family plan, right?

**Sometimes we learn things to not necessarily know how and when to use the information learned, but how and when to NOT use said information. Or even when to hint that you know and COULD use information.

** Just because someone says, "Yeah, I've heard of you!", that doesn't necessarily mean it's in a GOOD way. ASK them.

**I don't retreat, I regroup.

**At my aerobics class-they come for the workout, they stay for the show. I tell them, "If you like my class, my name is Lynne. If you DON'T like my class, my name is Rhonda".

**The old saying, "A friend in need is a friend indeed" didn't take into account the Dow sliding 15% in 2008. "There are givers, there are takers, gang-bang bee-atches and fakers; there's good friends, there's split ends, people I'd go to the earth's ends..." (by me)

** I am, "She who must be obeyed". My daughter Jackie is, "She who must NEVER be hung up on".

** "Bite me" is the phrase that is nearest and dearest to my heart; "I could be your mom" is a close second.

** Words on a deceased cop's headstone: "I am not above the lawn". (by me)

** Snickerdoodle Cookies-Breakfast of Champions. And lunch. And a little nosh inbetween.

**My son gives himself an oil change every time he washes his hair. (by me)

**I always pour champagne too fast so that it ends up bubbling over the rim...HEY, maybe THAT'S why they call it, 'Bubbly'! Whoa.

**A spelling contest for a witch doctor is a "JuJuBee" (by me)

**From the white woman with a small percentage of Lenne Lenape Delaware tribe in her, some spells and curses for those who wouldst cross her...

**May you blow out all the windows of the cars on a street with your backfiring OEM non-stock exhaust and have to pay all damages thereof.
**May you win the lottery and, with the publicity, get a summons in the mail for back-owed child support (that totals the exact amount of the lottery winnings!) for a 'fling' you had in the '70's. And leaving you with a helluva tale to tell your current S/O.
**May the milk in your refridgerators go sour and you not realize it until you've already drunk half of it from the container.

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SOME PROSE

**I like the thrill of the ultimate convertible
It takes a lot of concentration
I give it 120% and scan almost 360
Because being a mom, I still have my eyes in the back of my head (by me)

**A MOTORCYCLE HAIKU (5-7-5 syllables)
Fast motorcycle
100% awareness
Otherwise you crash. (by me)

Why do I ride? (by me)

When people ask me why I ride a motorcycle

At my age, they think it absurd!

They think I’m ‘channeling’ Brando or Fonda

And think me quite disturbed.

I simply reply to them that I just like

The feel of the wind in on my face

Just like a doggie with his head out the window

Going in the car someplace.

I go down the road full tilt,

People say I kinda look like a cop

So they slow down from their speed, get kinda anxious,

Wondering if they’re gonna be stopped.

I start to pass them, they look and get scared,

They wonder if it’s a big bad biker dude,

They realize as they see my stuffed animal on the back

And there’s a palpable change in their mood.

I flip my visor up and smile at them all

And wave my non-throttle glove

They realize that it’s a MOM on that bike, we part with smiles!

Kicking the shit out of stereotypes is what I LOVE.

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I really like this cute lil' female doggie. And the white thing with fur, too. (I will leave it as an exercise to the reader to decide which is which...it really could go either way, y'know.)

**For the wind in my face

For the road under my tires

For the accompanyment of my engine I ride,

Not just for the destination, but for the journey

by Jim McLeod "Ol' Dirtbeard" President, Capital Cruisers

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Lynne

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